Mommy Dearest

Today, I found myself ignoring my daughter R's calls.  Not on purpose, of course.  I heard her shouting "Mommy?  Mommmmmy?  Mommy, where are YOU?" but for the few seconds I was hiding in the shower while we played an impromptu game of hide and seek, I forgot who I was.  Not only did I forget that I was her mommy but that I was a mommy in general.  The sound of "MOMMY" rolling off her tongue sounded so foreign and awkward.  I can't explain it exactly other than to call it an "out of mommy experience." 

Don't get me wrong, I love being a mommy.  Who am I kidding?  Even more than that, I love being her mommy.  There is no greater sense of pride or love than what I feel for my two daughters.  I often lose my own identity which is perfectly fine because being the mother of these two girls is so much more interesting than being me. 

For the rest of the day, as R called me "mommy," it felt as natural as breathing.  It was only for those few brief moments that I felt like an outsider looking in.  I am so accustomed to being referred to as mommy now that when I stop and analyze what that term of endearment really means, it makes everything seem surreal.  That must've been why it sounded so odd hearing it today - it's just too good to be true.  But it is true, I really am a mom.

And all I know is that when reality set back in, I gratefully realized how much I love being called mommy!